You miss the intensity.

The all-consuming thoughts.

The intoxicating highs.

That heady mix of yearning and desire that made you feel alive.

But here’s the truth: Passion isn’t about chaos.

It’s a universally acknowledged truth that becoming secure in a relationship, especially if your relationship has been up-and-down for a while, takes years of self-work and therapy and pain before you start seeing any real results.

Gotcha! That's absolutely not true.

While therapy is so important for uncovering the root causes of our patterns, I can speak from experience: if you focus on the right techniques and mindset, you can start feeling and acting more secure in just a few minutes a day, no matter what your relationship with your partner has been like lately.

In this post, I’m going to show you ten 20-minute things you can do to become more secure in your relationship right away.

Magnetism is the captivating energy you radiate that naturally draws others to you. You know exactly what I’m talking about - an effortless aura that makes people feel drawn, safe, alive, around a certain person. The more magnetism you possess, the more you will feel confident in your own skin and attract your desires effortlessly.

But here’s where people get magnetism wrong.

Once you feel attached to being magnetic, it evaporates.

It works similarly to love or happiness - the more desperate you are for it, the more elusive it becomes.

Before I discovered what I lovingly call ‘the dark feminine’, I struggled with anxious attachment, low self-esteem, and a constant feeling of anxiety after my divorce from a really bad marriage. I felt like I was constantly on-edge, always trying to fit the mold of what a desirable woman would be, to please everyone around me, drowning in the process. I felt powerless. If you were to ask me about what made me… me – I wouldn’t have known what to tell you.

Over the last six months, I've been feeling uninspired with my tantric practice, because I was hitting a wall with physical exhaustion. Between working full-time, building a relationship, raising children, maintaining friendships and coaching women on how to heal their relationship anxiety – I felt like I could hardly keep my eyes open at the end of the day.

As you can imagine, this has left very little room for practicing and crafting new pleasure and radiance practices for myself and other women.

However, after giving myself permission to rest and reset, I've discovered that in my intensive focus on my practice, I’d lost sight of what these practices gave to me when I first discovered them – safety, ease and real pleasure.

If you find yourself trapped by questions like, “How can I make them see my worth?” or “What if I’m too much for them?” then I have good news. There’s a playful, pleasurable formula that shifts the dynamic back in your favor. It goes like this:

Know yourself

Choose yourself

Assert yourself.

In this post, I’ll break down each component of this empowerment formula, with practical examples to help you feel more in control and confident when you roll out for that date.

Confidence is figureoutable. I've pulled together a cozy little list of books to help you do just that, to discover your confidence. Memoirs to inspire you to trust your mind, guides sprinkled with feminine wisdom, and fiction heroines that challenge the status quo — these books are not just about empowerment; they're about finding your own unique ‘flavor.’ Your own vibe of boldness, softness, intelligence and flair. So, if you’re tired of the background noise of self-doubt and ready to be inspired, these books might just be the new friends you need.

Discover the nuances of avoidant attachment and learn how to foster healthier relationships with my in-depth guide. From signs you might have avoidant attachment, how you experience others in relationship to practices for healing, explore an honest and gracious perspective today.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, this article is an invitation to recognize and understand the deeply ingrained patterns that influence your success in romance. If you’re feeling on the edge of a breakthrough (or breakdown), questioning why your partner seems unmoved by your needs, or ghosted on repeat on Bumble, you will come away empowered to change your situation. As someone who has healed intense anxious attachment, I promise you are capable of doing the same. Let’s jump in.

“My partner isn’t willing to dig in and do the work like I am. Should I stay or go?” This is a common issue women deal with in their relationships, especially women who love personal development. If you care a lot about doing your own work, and healing your own history, then why the hell won’t your partner get on board and do the same?