Is secure love… boring?
As we step into a brand-new year, there’s something I’ve been thinking about that I know resonates with so many of my clients:
“What if secure love is… boring?”
This is something I see a lot, especially from women with anxious attachment. Maybe you’ve felt it, too.
You’ve done so much work on yourself—therapy, books, journaling, endless reflection… and you’re starting to get it.
You understand your triggers. You’re noticing your patterns. You’re shifting toward more secure behaviors in love.
But there’s a nagging thought in the back of your mind:
“I miss the passion.”
You miss the intensity.
The all-consuming thoughts.
The intoxicating highs.
That heady mix of yearning and desire that made you feel alive.
But here’s the truth: Passion isn’t about chaos.
It isn’t about wondering if someone loves you or waiting by the phone for hours, replaying every text in your head. It isn’t about chasing validation from someone who can’t give it to you.
Real passion comes from feeling fully expressed. From knowing you’re desired exactly as you are.
And that kind of passion? It’s sustainable. It’s healthy. It doesn’t burn out or leave you questioning your worth.
So, how do you make the shift from “passion as chaos” to “passion as power”?
#1. Get honest with yourself about what “passion” has meant in the past.
Were you really experiencing passion… or were you experiencing anxiety, the high of not knowing, the fear of loss?
Were those butterflies in your stomach, or was it your nervous system firing off alarms that you weren’t safe?
Get real with yourself and reflect on the difference between craving love and what to do with yourself once you have it.
#2. Stop associating “secure” with “boring.”
Security doesn’t mean dullness. It means freedom.
✨ Freedom to express your desires without rejection.
✨ Freedom to relax, knowing that love isn’t a game of push and pull.
✨ Freedom to create, to explore, to dream: knowing that he’s not going anywhere and is by your side all the way.
The addictive reward-withdrawal process might feel intense, but you are losing your life force and creativity because it is sucking away all of your energy to try to fix it rather than allowing it to be the wind in your sails.
#3. Create passion through self-expression
True passion comes from being fully free to be who you are.
Sing in the car. Wear the outfit that makes you feel delicious. Bring your playful, radiant energy into your relationship. When you stop hiding yourself, you create magnetic, lasting chemistry. And yes, it’s passionate.
The truth is, secure love doesn’t kill passion—it makes space for it. But only if you jump in and create it for yourself.
So as you step into 2025, I invite you to get curious:
Are you ready to leave the chaos behind and step into the kind of love that makes you feel powerful, magnetic, and deeply desired? Or are you committed to staying addicted to love anxiety?
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m passionate about empowering women to feel secure and magnetic in their relationships. I’m thrilled to announce that my new ebook, Healing Anxious Attachment through Pleasure, is now available!
If you want to save time and maximize your results, this guide will be your go-to resource. It includes a comprehensive step-by-step program designed to help you heal anxious attachment and feel more secure and magnetic in love.
What’s Inside:
A comprehensive 94-page guide to overcome anxious attachment.
Practical exercises to help you embody confidence and magnetism.
Real-life examples and success stories to inspire your journey.
Week 1: The Sovereign of Self – Discover how to reclaim your identity and self-worth.
Week 2: The Sovereign of Aliveness – Embrace your full emotional range.
Week 3: The Sovereign of Empowerment – Set boundaries and own your power.
Week 4: The Sovereign of Pleasure – Tap into pleasure as a source of healing.
Week 5: The Sovereign of Darkness – Learn to navigate and embrace shadow emotions.
Week 6: The Sovereign of Relationship – Build a secure, passionate relationship.
By following this guide, you’ll transform your relationship with yourself and with men. You’ll feel more empowered, less anxious, and deeply at-ease in romance… maybe for the first time ever.
Just hear what my client, Lindsay, had to say:
“Rebekah's process is unique, unlike any coaching or therapy I've ever done. She has an uncanny ability to put you in touch with your most authentic self, guide you to the root cause of an issue... If I could only work with one coach or therapist, or only recommend one, Rebekah is it! I've already recommended her to all my friends.”
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